


Nothing Seems as Pretty as the Past

by ineedthislikeaholeinthehead



Category: American Actor RPF, Armipace, British Actor RPF, Richlee - Fandom, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Job, F/M, Lost Love, M/M, Relationship Mistakes, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:51:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineedthislikeaholeinthehead/pseuds/ineedthislikeaholeinthehead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>15 years after he and Lee break up, Richard’s career is absolutely wonderful, but he’s never been able to get over what he’s sure was the love of his life.  Lee is married with a kid, and Richard is now (finally) an Olivier winning actor, but neither one of them is happy without the other.  At the goading of his biographer, Richard travels back to the states to visit Lee.  Both of them instantly recognize that the attraction they have for each other is still there.  Can they navigate the waters of their reignited love, or did they miss their chance at happily ever after all those years ago?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [По волнам моей памяти](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4681256) by [AndreyVas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreyVas/pseuds/AndreyVas)



> This is a slow burner, but I promise it's worth it. 
> 
> The title is from an Arctic Monkey's Song (Fluorescent Adolescent)
> 
> I forgot to put this in before so I'm adding it now. 
> 
> I don't own any one. There are quite a few OCs in this story, but Richard and Lee are their own people with their own lives who have nothing to do with this and I especially hope this never happens to them.

Richard didn’t _hate_ applause.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world by any means. He was used to it now. It had become background noise to his lonely life. He was always adored from afar, and yet never able to make those connections that gave him the sort of long lasting adoration from a single person that he’d desperately craved.

After decades of relative obscurity, parts below him, and a lot of hard work for little recognition, the past 15 years had been a blessing. His career had taken off in a way he’d never expected, and while he’d seldom had the chance to even work in a theater that could give him an attempt at another Olivier nomination, he’d finally come back around to it with the production of King Lear that was drawing to an end.

He knew he was going to be nominated by the end of the first meeting with the director, a hungry child (at nearly 60, Richard had taken to thinking any one under 40 was a child) who actually seemed to understand the work, one of those rare directors who had the ability to see things from all angles.

It was fascinating to watch him switch from director brain, to actor brain, to production brain, sometimes all within the span of a few minutes. And while the nomination was a boon, he’d been down this road before.

He didn’t do this for acclaim or awards, but losing was still painful, and a part of him wished that this last performance wasn’t tinged with the sadness that comes with knowing your hard work will be passed over, again.

He tried not to focus on that as he walked out, his co-stars beside him, to the applause awaiting him. Great actor that he was, no one in the audience could tell his happy tears weren’t that happy at all.

**************************************************

“Did you get Jeremy’s lunch box?” Jason asked.

Lee was already halfway out the door, but he turned around, still holding his 5 year old son’s hand and took them back to the kitchen where his husband was digging the lunch box out of the refrigerator.

“Thank you.” Lee said, and Jason smiled and gave him a peck on the lips.

“De Nada.” he told him, and went back to cleaning up the breakfast dishes.

Already running late, Lee scooped up tiny Jeremy in his arms and headed for the door. In the car, Jeremy fussed about sitting in his booster seat.

“I want to sit in the big boy seat, like you.”

“Well, you can some day. But right now, you’ve still got some growing to do, so we gotta keep you safe in the booster seat.”

“But WHEN can I stop sitting in it?”

“When you’re this big.” Lee says, motioning to a height that looked giant from Jeremy’s perspective, but miniscule next to Lee.

“Fine.” He tells him, and sits down in his seat with a huff. Lee buckles him in and moves to the driver’s seat.

“Daddy.”

“Yes?”

“Will I ever be as big as you?” Lee sat on the question for a minute.

“Probably not, sweetie.”

“Why not?”

They’d gone over this what felt like hundreds of times, but maybe it was still a sore subject for him.

“Because your biological parents weren’t as big as me.” he says as gently as he can.

“Oh... Will I be as big as Dada?”

Jason wasn’t short, but he was considerably smaller than Lee. Almost everyone was considerably smaller than Lee. Jeremy was all tiny bones and slow growth spurts- Prenatal care hadn’t been the highest concern for his mother, but so far Jeremy was sharp as a tack, it looked like it had affected him very marginally, and only physically.

“It’s possible. We’ll see, won’t we?”

“But WHEN will we see?” Lee turned into the drop off lane of Jeremy’s posh private school and turned to unbuckle him.

“I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.”

Jeremy jumped out of his chair and pulled on his back pack. Lee handed him his lunch and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, that he instantly wiped off, scolding Lee with an exasperated“Da-ad!” and then hopped out of the car.

Lee had the desire to yell after him, but he knew it was already hard for Jeremy, two Daddies wasn’t quite the scandal it used to be, but it wasn’t the "norm” either, and he already knew Jeremy was trying not to call attention to himself.

**********************************************

The cast party was raucous. Through the years, Richard had sat through all sorts of rowdy wrap parties, usually electing not to participate in any activities other than slowly finishing a glass or two of good wine, if the production provided it.

He didn’t mean to be an outsider, but he’d grown more and more withdrawn as the years flew by, and this cast hadn’t been any better than others in bringing him into the fold.

His stomach clenched as he saw Josephine, the lovely young woman who had played Regan in the show, walking towards him.

He wasn’t completely blind, and the girl was more obvious than she needed to be about being attracted to him. Out of makeup and costume, Richard hardly looked old, even if he was dangerously close to it. And Josephine could easily be his daughter, she could nearly be his granddaughter as far as he was concerned.

She didn’t seem to be phased by his age, though. She’d grown up watching The Hobbit and was absolutely star struck to be working with him. But she wanted more, and as much as he’d been trying to avoid it, Richard wasn’t immune to the charms of a younger woman finding him attractive.

“Having fun?” she asked him. She had a smile that could light up a room, and she flashed it on him like a weapon, the crown of her arsenal. Well, maybe not the _crown_.

“Yes. This is all delightful.” he lied, wishing nothing more than to hop in a cab and hide back in his flat.

“You don’t look like you’re having fun, yet." And Richard couldn’t help himself.

“Yet?” he asked in earnest.

“I think I could think of a few ways to make tonight more memorable.” She says, pressing her taught and tiny body against his. He stiffens up, swallows, and curses himself for not being able to resist.

“Please elaborate, my dear.”

Even on her tiptoes, Josephine isn’t tall enough to properly whisper in his ear, so she pulls him down to her level, her hand around his neck just as enticing as the filthy promises she makes in his ear.

****************************************

“Are you coming home tonight?” Jason asks over the phone.

“I’m working through. I told you that.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Well, it’s on the calendar.” Lee could hear Jason flipping through the calendar nailed to the wall in the kitchen.

“I wish you’d actually tell me when you’re not going to be home. Jeremy gets nervous when you’re not here.”

 _Sure, blame it on Jeremy_. Lee thinks. But all he says is “Sorry.”

There’s a silence on the line that Lee can’t stand, so he fills it.

“I’ll get everything done fast, so I can be home for breakfast.”

“Uh huh.” Jason doesn’t believe him. He never believes him. The fact that Lee has no intention of coming home for breakfast notwithstanding, it annoys the shit out of him that Jason never believes him.

“I promise. I’ll take Jeremy to school again tomorrow.” but Lee’s broken this promise too many times for it to take. Jason sighs.

“It’s not so much that you won’t be here, Lee. It’s that you won’t be straight with me.”

“Well, that would hardly be any fun, would it?” he teases.

“I’m not in the mood for jokes tonight.”

“Maybe you just haven’t heard the right one yet.”

“Maybe if you were here to tell them to me.”

“Do you really want me to drop everything and come back?”

“I want you to want to.”

“Who says I don’t want to? I’m doing this for you, you know.” Lee was the sole provider for the house, and Jason had been well provided for for years.

“Who asked you to?” he asked.

“Just say the word, I’ll come home.”

“No. I know you’re working hard. Don’t stop production on my account. Have a good night.”

“You too.”

“I love you.” He said, and there was a desperation in his voice, like maybe he didn’t know if it was still true. Lee didn’t hesitate.

“I love you, too.” And they finally hung up. Lee sighs. momentarily concentrated on how tedious Jason could be sometimes, and needy, and how after 10 years together, things had definitely hit a wall he wasn’t quite prepared to deal with.

Then, from the other room of his apartment, he heard the whine of a very impatient friend, and walked to the bedroom to see what was happening.

Nude, and splayed on the bed in an absolutely pornographic display, was Eric… or was it Aaron?

Lee couldn’t quite remember the name of the absolutely adorable young man he’d picked up at the club less than an hour ago.

“Where have you been?” he asks, and Lee smiles as he tosses off his shirt and jumps onto the bed.

“Just had a little business to take care of.”

“Anything important?” Eric/Aaron asks. He’s blonde and fair skinned and absolutely adorable, and Lee runs his fingers through his hair just to see the reaction he gets.

“Nothing at all.” he says before pulling him in for a kiss.

****************************************

“So, I have a favor to ask you.” Josephine says.

She’s still naked, only a sheet shielding her from Richard’s gaze.

It’s morning though, and he shouldn’t be surprised about this request. Beautiful girls don’t just pop into bed with men twice their age (or more… not that Richard want’s to think about that) out of pure altruism.

“A Favour, eh?” he asks, his hand crawling up the side of her hip. “What might that favour be?”

“I have a cousin. She’s kind of obsessed with you.”

“That sounds like a dull obsession.” She turns towards him, giving him that electric look of desire.

“Hardly.” she promises, and Richard thinks she’s almost good enough of an actress to be believed.

He kisses her, not really interested in hearing about her cousin at the moment, but Josephine pulls away.

“Come on now. We’re talking.”

“Are we?” He says playfully, his hand still enjoying the feeling of her hip.

“We are. My cousin wants to write about you.”

“Is she a journalist?”

“She’s a ghost writer.”

“Really? I’ve never met one.”

“Yes you have. You met her not two weeks ago.” And Richard does recall Josephine introducing him to a chubby, mousey girl...what was her name?

“Heather?”

“Violet.” She corrects. “She’s very good.”

“What’s your point?”

“Well, you haven’t had your biography done yet, have you?” There had been a few articles, and countless cast bios, but Richard hadn’t ever considered doing an actual biography.

“Why would I?”

“Because. You’re famous! Even people who aren’t famous write memoirs. But people would actually care about what you’ve done.”

“I doubt that highly.”

“Well, you shouldn’t. But you should call Violet. She’d absolutely die if you let her help you write yours.” Josephine gets off the bed, taking the sheet with her, and moving to her purse on the dresser. She pulls out a business card and hands it to Richard.

“In any case, I promised her I would give you her card.”

“Well, I hate to disappoint your dear cousin, but I don’t think I’ll be needing her services any time soon.” Josephine bends down to kiss Richard on the forehead.

“We’ll see.” She tells him, and then saunters into the bathroom for a steamy shower that’s so inviting Richard can’t resist joining her.

*************************************************************

Mornings after a bender are always a bitch. Lee was getting too old to keep up with youths, and these LA boys were always trying something new.

He’d thought New York was hardcore with it’s Coke and endless booze, but there was always something newer and edgier at the club, and he wanted nothing of it.

He’d woken up to Eric doing poppers in the middle of the night, and though he’d offered to share, Lee wasn’t into that scene. He was perfectly happy getting high off his own guilt and the simple satisfaction of illicit trysts.

Since he was done with Eric, he just wished he would go home.But he didn’t seem to want to leave.

 _Great, a clinger._ Lee thought. And it was early, so he contemplated actually going home like he said he would.

Actually, that was a great idea. He got up and pulled on his pants.

“Good Morning, Lee.” Eric’s voice was disgustingly sing songy for how early it was, but Lee was well raised and couldn’t be rude if he tried.

“Good Morning, Eric.”

“Aaron.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“‘Ts alright.” he says, splaying himself on the bed, absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Actually, I’m not much of a breakfast person.” he lied as he pulled on his shirt. He looked disheveled and worn, but there’s no reason that _couldn’t_ be from working.

“Really?” Aaron asked incredulously. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lee wasn’t obsessed with it, but he was sensitive about his weight lately, and it came out when people made comments about his eating. He was 6’5” and well built. It took a lot to power him.

“Nothing!” Aaron responds.

“Right… Well, I do have an early meeting this morning.”

“I get it.” he gets up, throwing back on his own clothes from the night before, realizing exactly how unwanted he is at the moment.

Lee, like a gentleman, walks him to the door.

“You know, I know you’re married.”

“Lots of people do.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m Lee Pace and it's not hard to find out.”

“Whatever. If you weren’t. I could still tell. Married guys are always the same.”

“Then why do you sleep with them?” Aaron shrugs.

“Maybe I like to be unattached.”

If he’s trying to get Lee interested by playing it nonchalant, it isn’t working. Lee doesn’t feel the need to chase anyone anymore.

“Good luck with that.”

Aaron shifts his bag on his shoulder, standing in the doorway and feeling like yesterday’s newspaper.

“Yeah, well. See you around I guess.”

“See yah.” Lee says, though he does at least wait for Aaron to turn around before he closes the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard's manager has a great idea... Richard should write an autobiography.
> 
> Lee has a hard morning with his husband.

“You know what you should do, Richard?”

“What should I do, Ed?” Richard loved his manager with all his heart, but he was constantly giving unsolicited advice. 

“You should write your autobiography.”

“Jesus! Is my life already over?” he asks. “You’re the second person to tell me that this week.”

“Maybe we’re onto something.”

“I doubt it.”

“This Olivier business is really creating some buzz. There’s a market for that sort of thing.”

“I don’t have time to write a book before the Olivier’s, and when I don’t win, all that buzz will be forgotten.”

“But what if you do win?”

“That’s not something I’ve decided to waste my time on.”

“You could win, Richard.”

“And you could give me some new scripts to look over.”

Richard wasn’t in a place where he was hungry any more, but he enjoyed working, so he was hoping to find something worth doing in the next few months. 

Lear hadn’t been Crucible for him. It was intense in its own ways, but he hadn’t dove into anything like that since.. well since he’d been with Lee, who had shepherded him through the entire process, who had held him up when he didn’t think he was strong enough to go on. And he’d long since learned his lesson: you must be strong yourself, because if you lean on someone else, you’re bound to be hurt. 

Ed pushed a few scripts his way.

“The first one’s a bit easier than you’re used to, but there’s more of the usual in there if you’re so inclined.”

“The Usual” meant period pieces and dramas about stodgy men who need to be taught to feel again. He wasn’t sure he was up for that.

“Thanks.” He says as he gets up. Ed stands up too.

“Any time. Any time.” he hesitates. “Richard, you should really consider who you’re going to thank at the Oliviers this time.”

“Can’t I just go off the last speech I didn’t get to read?” and Ed laughs. 

“Think about the book. It could be good.”

Richard nods, still thinking the idea is preposterous as he leaves Ed’s office. 

When he gets home, he remembers that he still has his last, unused speech, marking a page in the tattered script of The Crucible. He pulls it off the shelf and leafs through until he finds it. 

“I’d like to start off by thanking Lee, my rock.” He reads on the page.

There are tears welling up in his eyes, and he wants to curse his sentimental old bones. He doesn’t spend his time thinking about Lee. He doesn’t need to reminisce and make himself feel more pain. 

It’s just the bloody Olivier talk. It’s got him taking trips down a memory lane he thought he’d boarded up. Apparently, there’s still a way to get in, and he’s still too fragile to take that trip alone. 

**********************************************************  
“Daddy’s Home!” Jeremy hopped out of his chair and ran to Lee, who’s just come in through the back door. 

“Hey pumpkin!” Lee responds, scooping Jeremy up into his arms like he loves to do. 

“Dada, Look!” Jeremy attempts to pry Jason’s attention from the frying eggs. “Look! Daddy’s home!” Jason doesn’t move from his spot, so Lee takes Jeremy over to him and plants a kiss on the back of Jason’s neck. He knows exactly the right spot to send a shiver down his spine, and at the moment, Jason hates him for it. He stiffens.

“You smell like a brewery.”

“I had a beer with the guys after wrap.” He’d had three beers, and a joint the night before, but how the hell was Jason going to know that?

“Daddy, can we play blocks today?”

“Well, sure darlin’. But don’t you have school to get to?”

“It’s Saturday.” Jason reminds him. 

“Right… So blocks it is… but lets eat breakfast first, ok?”

Jeremy sighed. “Ok.” He said as Lee planted him back in his chair and sat down next to him. 

Jason came over and dumped scrambled eggs on the two plates on the table, then handed one to each of them. 

“What about you?”

“I only had enough eggs in the house for two. I’ll have an apple.”

Jason wasn’t a health nut, he was just a healthier eater than Lee. But eggs weren’t unhealthy, and Lee knew he was planning on eating them before he’d come home.

“I’ll have an apple. You eat these.” 

“No, it’s fine.”

“I know, because you’re going to eat them. Sit.”

Jason begrudgingly sat down. Lee takes a bite of the eggs off Jeremy’s plate before handing Jason the other. 

“Those are good.”

“Then have them.”

“I’d rather have an apple.”

Jason rolled his eyes. For such a good actor, Lee could be a terrible liar. 

***********************************************

Richard had promised himself he was going to work on his (useless) acceptance speech tonight. But nothing was sounding good to him. So after countless hours wasted, he’d found himself in a familiar and not too comfortable place. A whole bottle of wine downed, sitting in front of his computer, rewatching Lee’s Oscar acceptance speech from 8 years ago. 

Lee had had the role of a lifetime- Richard didn’t know, they’d long since had their falling out, and hadn’t been the type to keep in touch afterwards, but he imagined that it was somewhat similar to how he’d felt when he’d been cast as Thorin. He’d been cast to play Cary Grant in a biopic focusing on the open secret love affair between Cary Grant and Randolph Scott. 

It had been a brave and raw performance, one of Lee’s best, and there was no question that he wholly deserved that Oscar. But it wasn’t the performance that always choked Richard up. 

Lee had looked stunning, as always, as he made his way up the stairs to accept the golden statue. But what he said in closing was “This is really all because of Jason, Thank you for being my Ri-Randy.”

It was that little slip at the end. He’d almost said his name, Richard was sure of it. After all that time, he was still thinking of him. It hurt so badly, because there was Richard, still thinking (and drinking) about Lee, so many years after things had gone sour.

***********************************************

“You’re late, again.”

“What’s new?”

“You said you’d be here tonight.”

“Where’s Jeremy?”

“He’s with the babysitter.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s our anniversary.”

Lee thought for a second. As much as he could.

“Our anniversary is in June.” He remembers, proudly.

“Not that anniversary. This is the anniversary of our first date.”

“You don’t have to remember that after you’re married.”

“You promised we were going to go out to celebrate.”

“I’m sorry.” he wrapped his arms around Jason’s waist and nuzzled against his neck. “Let’s stay in and celebrate.”

“Yeah, because my consolation prize for you forgetting our anniversary- again- is you getting off.”

“I was just trying to be romantic.”

“Romantic is not being three hours late, Lee. Romantic is not coming home and immediately changing into sweatpants. I don’t know what you’re trying to be, but romantic it is NOT.”

“Alright. Let’s go out.”

“What?”

“Come on. There’s bound to be something nice open. Let’s go out.”

“It’s too late, Lee.”

Lee cringed. He always knew he was in trouble when Jason used his name too much. It stung to hear him say it sometimes. 

“Let me take you out tomorrow.”

“Uh Huh. Sure.”

“No, Really. We’ll go somewhere nice. I’ll get reservations. And flowers. And wear real pants and everything.”

“Don’t write checks your ass can’t cash, Lee.” Jason said. He was already half way up the stairs before he said it, and Lee couldn’t think of anything sort of retort. 

**************************************************

16 years earlier

Richard didn’t know why Lee was so giggly, but his laughter was contagious. If he could, he would spend all day here, laying in bed with Lee, laughing their arses off at nothing in particular. 

Unfortunately, they both knew that wasn’t going to happen. As Richard stood up, Lee turned to his side of the bed.

“What are you doing, Lee?” Lee closed his eyes for a split second just to bask in the glory of how his name felt falling off Richard’s lips. He could listen to him say it all day, and not get bored. 

“Oh, nothing.” he replied in a sing-songy voice.

“I don’t believe you.” Richard said, climbing back into bed and putting his hands on Lee’s side.

The caress is soft, and it tickles him just the way Richard knew it would.

“Stop!” he begs through giggles.

“Never!” Richard whispers into Lee’s ear.

“Alright, Alright. Here.” Lee pulls a card out and hands it to Richard. 

“What’s this?”

“Open it and find out.”

He does. It’s an anniversary card.

“Is it our anniversary?” Richard asks.

“Four Years to the day.”

“Which day are you counting from?”

“First date. Should I count from a different one?”

“There’s lots to count from. First date. First kiss. First Fuck. Moving In together.” Richard slides back over to his bedside table and pulls out an envelope to give to Lee. “But it looks like we picked the same one.

Lee smiles as he opens the card. It’s goofy and thoughtful, just like Richard, and he kisses him. There’s no where else he’d rather be, and he loves that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee makes another mistake, and Richard makes a big decision after a big party.

The club is dark and has loud dubious music on a constant loop.  Lee’s about ready to give up on this place, even if it’s given him more than enough leads for the kind of illicit, nameless thing he’s been searching for.  

Lately, it’s all be a blur of boredom.

He’s desensitized to the heart racing excitement that used to come with new lovers.  Bodies thrusting against each other with absolute nonchalance.  It depresses him more than the thought of his needy, eager husband, patiently waiting for him at home.  

He doesn’t know what happened between him and Jason.

In the beginning, it had been so much fun.  It had been years since he’d had anything serious, he was walking around like he was asleep and when he met Jason, he’d finally woke up.

But the years hadn’t been kind.  They’d been lucky, he’d had great work, and good work, and fun work, and Jason had been along for it all, quietly supporting him, finishing his sentences, always knowing exactly what he needed before he did. It only made sense to get married.  They could, and Jason was the perfect husband.  Beautiful, Caring, Considerate.  What more could some one want?

Apparently, more.  Lee found out too late.

Jason was too agreeable.  He was passive aggressive about what he wanted, when he knew what he wanted, and he didn’t have the stomach to stand up for himself.  Lee was more of a lover than a fighter, but he liked some one who would stand up to him if they needed to.  He wasn’t good at coddling.  Jason was an expert.

So much of an expert that it just made sense, after a few years, to adopt.  They were both feeling lonely, and it only made sense that they needed someone else to share their lives with. The day Jeremy had come home to them was one of the happiest of Lee’s life. He had no idea that he could love someone that deeply.

Well, he had no idea he could love a child so much.

Unfortunately, like millions of couples before, having a child did nothing to fix their problems.  

Jeremy was great, but he couldn’t fill the hole that was opening up between Lee and Jason, and it was unfair of them to ask him to.

Lee doesn’t even know why he started sleeping with other people.  Maybe just to see if he still had the ability to connect with someone.  

The first time it happened, Lee’s shooting in New York, he’s got the night off, and he’s revisiting some of his old haunts.  He’s drunk and a little stoned and he ends up at a club he knows he’s too old for but he’s just wasted enough to not care.

There’s a boy there that recognizes him.  He’s young and beautiful and brings over his friend molly for both of them.  Lee doesn’t know why he’s doing something so stupid.  He’s a father and a husband and has a life he needs to preserve. But he’s depressed and the drugs help push that away for a night as he and this pusher boy dance the night away.

When they make it to the flop house the boy calls home, it’s not Jason’s name Lee accidentally calls out, it’s Richard’s.  And he’s crossfaded and doesn’t give a damn what he’s just done.

And now, it’s years later, and Lee’s gotten brash enough that he doesn’t care where Jason is when he does it.  He uses their apartment-  the apartment they’d been keeping for god knows how many years, since they’ve got the house- for hook ups more than script reading. Jason knows something’s wrong but he doesn’t have the guts to call Lee on it, so they live their lives, apart but together, having nothing in common, except Jeremy.

Lee doesn’t want to think about this any more.  He wants the pounding music to infiltrate his veins and his brain, and decimate everything he’d thinking.  He doesn’t want this, but he doesn’t know how to fix things when they shouldn’t be wrong.

On paper, Jason really is great.  Lee is the whore here.  He’s the one doing everything wrong. There’s no reason for him to be feeling this way, and that makes everything even worse.

He downs the last of his beer (Not his first of the night) and he’s about to go to the dance floor-  he’s always been of the belief that tall people shouldn’t dance, but he doesn’t give a flying fuck at the moment- when someone walks up to him.

“Long time, no see, stranger.” Lee squints a little, trying to recognize the gorgeous boy before him.

“Eric?”  he asks.

“Still Aaron.”

“Aaron.  Right.  Nice to see you.”

“Nice to see you too.  How have you been?”

Lee shrugs.  No point in wasting time on ass he’s already had.

“Can’t say anything interesting has really happened.  If you’ll excuse me.”  he attempts to make his way to the dance floor but Aaron stops him.

“Are you dancing?”

“That’s what it looks like.”

He takes Lee’s hand.  “Come on then, I’ll come with you.”

And Lee isn’t really interested, but he lets Aaron lead him down anyways.  Before he really knows what he’s doing, they’re grinding up on each other.  It’s quixotic, but in the mind numbing way that Lee’s been craving.

It doesn’t take much convincing to get Aaron back to his place, and they fall into the same bed as last time for the same acts as last time, and afterwards Lee passes out, no more satisfied than he was at the club.

**************************************************************

 _Tonight is the night._  Richard couldn’t help telling himself that, no matter how much he wants to stop himself from hoping.   _The Oliviers aren’t anything special_. He lies to himself.

He’s asked Josephine to go with him.  She’s not nominated, but since she’s his castmate, being seen with her won’t cause any rumors, and despite her age,  he actually does get along with her.  

She looks beautiful, absolutely stunning, on his arm.  

He’d been alone last time he’d come.  Out of his own choice.  Lee was more than willing to come with him.  He would have been happy to have been asked.  But Richard never had the spine to ask him.  Or rather, he would have been happy to ask, but he didn’t know what the ramifications of them being seen together would be, and he was too chicken shit to find out.

It was nice to have a date.  Even if he had no idea where this would go after the after party.  He wasn’t above thinking a little pity sex might be in the cards once he lost. But he also wasn’t going to be hopeful for that.  Josephine was wonderful, but they could both tell there was no future there.

He knew he wasn’t going to win.  It was obvious he wasn’t going to win.  Everyone else was so much more deserving of the win this year. Just like last time.  

He was so concerned with nervously twisting his napkin in his lap that he didn’t hear them call his name.

Josephine had to nudge him to get him back.

“Richard.  You won, dear.”  Josephine tells him.  He gets up, a little startled, and unsure of how to proceed. Josephine gets up with him, gives him a quick hug and graciously whispers in his ear,

“Walk up the carpet and to the stage.”

He manages to do so, the lights on stage nearly blinding him as he’s handed the award.  It’s heavier than he imagined, and he’s not sure where he’s going to put it, but he realizes that everyone is waiting for him to say something, so he files away the nerves of not knowing where he’s going to display his award (or IF he should display it) and manages to say,

“To my lovely castmates, my wonderful director, my superb management, my amazing family, and to everyone who’s ever had to wait for something good to happen.  This is for you.  Thank you.” before nearly stumbling back to his seat.

Later, after a party he actually enjoyed, and some vigorous lovemaking with Josephine, Richard is lying in bed, Josephine using his arm as a pillow and gently breathing in a way he can’t tell if she’s sleeping or not.

“Josephine.” He says, and she stirs.

“Yes, Richard?”

“I think I’d like to talk to your cousin.”

“I think that’s a very good idea.  Do you want to do it now, or do you think it can wait until morning?”

Richard wraps both his arms around Josephine and kisses her neck softly.

“I can definitely wait until morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Lee's such a cad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee's fucked up real bad. Richard meets his ghostwriter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note. I cried while I was writing this. I also started crying again while I was editing it. I don't know if I'm just a sap, or if it's really that sad, but I cried a lot over what's about to happen.

“We need to talk.”  He’d said. and Lee’s skin crawled. 

 

“Ok, shoot.”

 

Jason was fighting with Jeremy to get his shirt on, and Jeremy was having absolutely none of it. 

 

“Not now.”   
  


‘Why not?”

 

“Not in front of the baby.”  Lee swallowed his annoyance.  Jeremy was 5 years old, not 5 months.  He wasn’t a baby.

 

“I’m not a baby, Dada!”  he screamed.

 

“Well, you’re sure acting like one.”

 

Lee did his usual scoop and fly in the air bit, and Jeremy seemed to calm down, at least enough for them to get his shirt on. 

 

Lee puts Jeremy back down, and he immediately runs to the play room.

 

“What’s going on?” 

 

“I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

 

“Then why did you tell me we need to talk?”

 

“Because, we need to talk.  But we need a night alone to do it.”

 

“How’s next wednesday?”

 

“How’s tonight, after Jeremy’s asleep?”   
  


“Whatever you want.”

**************************************************

Violet has violet hair.  Well, it’s partially violet, partially blue, and partially pink.

 

He sees her driving up to the cafe on a shiny Vespa.  She sits down next to him like they were old friends, telling him not to bother getting up to greet her. 

 

She’s wearing a crop top and ripped jeans, and she doesn’t look anything like the mousy young lady Josephine had introduced him to before. 

 

“Violet?”  he asks.  And she smiles.  

 

“Richard?  As in the one and only, Armitage?”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t know about the one and only.”

 

“Then the one and only one that matters.”  She smiles again.  She’s beaming from ear to ear. 

 

“You have no idea how excited I am to be here.” She finally shakes his hand, and in doing so, her wig falls to the side a bit.

 

“Um, your hair, my dear.”

 

“Oh, god, Sorry.  I must look a mess.” She takes her wig off and throws it in her bag. She still doesn’t look herself to Richard. 

 

“It’s certainly an interesting get up.”

 

“You know, Pride.  Let your colors show and all.”

 

“Is it Pride this week?”   
  


“No, its just organizing season.  I just like to wear the get up when I’m at meetings.”

 

“Sounds like you’re a very busy woman.”

 

“I get around.  But please, lets not talk about me.  It’s not every day I get to meet with a real life celebrity.”

 

“Josephine told me you were a ghost writer.”

 

“I am.” 

 

“So  you do meet with celebrities every day.”

 

“Well, not  every day and besides, They’re not all Olivier winning performers.”

 

Richard blushes.

 

“Congratulations by the way.  You deserved it more than any one.”

 

“Oh, you can’t know that.”

 

“I can so, I saw everyone.”

 

“All this, and a theater buff too?”   
  


“Theater reviews pay the bills. But your performance really was inspiring.”

 

“I’m sure you say that to all your actors.”

 

“Like I said, only the ones with Oliviers.”

 

Richard isn’t sure he’s comfortable with how much he’s enjoying this ego pampering, so he clears his throat, takes a sip of his tea, and gets down to business.

 

“So, I’ve heard a few people tell me that writing an autobiography is the thing to do.”

 

“Well, I’m biased of course, but you’ve certainly had a life worth writing about.”

 

“Hardly. But apparently there’s a market for me anyways.  Though I don’t know anything about that.”

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“What?You mean besides how one writes and publishes a book?”

 

“Well, that part’s something I can tell you.  You have an agent?  A manager?”

 

“Manager, but he’s not a lit manager.”

 

“That’s ok.  I’ll still work with him... if you sign with me.  I don’t know if you’re considering other writers?”   
  


“Not at the moment.  But you come highly recommended by Josephine, so I’m hoping I won’t have to look elsewhere.”

 

“I’ll get you some of my work to look over, just in case you don’t like my style.  If you do end up signing me, I’ll work with your manager to shop the deal to the bigger publishers.  We can go with a smaller one if you like, but you’re a big enough name to get a big name publisher.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I can’t believe you haven’t already been approached.”

 

“I wasn’t interested for a long time.  What happens next?”

 

“Once we find a good fit, they give us an advance and we spend a few months interviewing.”

 

“Interviewing?”

 

“Yeah.  I need to talk to your friends, your family, your coworkers.  And obviously, I have to get a lot of stuff from the direct source.”

 

‘The Direct Source?  What’s that?”   
  


“That’s you, Richard. You’re the direct source.”

 

“And this takes a few months?”

 

“Usually.  It depends on how good your memory is, and how much you trust me.”

 

“Ok.  And I have to tell you everything?”   
  


“It’s easier to find the overarching story if you do.  Obviously, I don’t need to know what color your favorite socks are or anything, but the more you’re willing to talk, the more depth I’ll be able to give your book.”

 

Richard shuddered at the thought of delving into his past.  He wasn’t sure he wanted everyone to know how badly he’d occasionally behaved. 

 

“Of course, I’m not a detective. So if you’ve got a few skeletons that ought to remain in the closet, far be it from me to pry them out of you.”

 

This eased Richard considerably.  He was already enjoying the quirkiness and spunk of Violet.  This might work.

 

“Do I get to see the manuscript before anyone else?”   
  
“Well, Richard, of course you do!  After all, you’re the writer.”

 

“It hardly seems fair, you doing all this work, and me putting my name to it.”

 

“It’s what I get paid for.  Trust me, you’ll feel it’s fair once you see my percentage fee.”

 

He smiles at her, thinking that this could definitely work.

*********************************************************

The first thing Jason did after tucking Jeremy in bed was slap Lee.   Hard . He’d never done something like that before, and the sting and red mark took their sweet time disappearing. 

 

“You are a fucking scumbag.”

 

“You’ll have to be a little more specific on why.”

 

“I had a visitor this afternoon.”

 

“How nice for you.”

 

“His name was Aaron.”

 

“Should I be worried?”

 

“You should be shaking in your boots.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he gave me this.” Jason hands Lee a picture.  He’s sleeping in it, shirtless, on the bed in their apartment.  Aaron’s taking it, selfie style, leaning on Lee’s arm. 

 

“Obviously, I don’t remember this.”

 

“I”m sure you remember how he got into our place.”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“I want you to give me a plausible reason why what he’s saying happened didn’t.”

 

Lee stands still and quiet for a moment, trying to think up any explanation, and wanting to wring Aaron’s neck for this.  No, he wants to wring his own neck for this.

 

“I don’t have one.” He confesses. “It was a momentary lapse in judgement.” he lied.

 

“Momentary lapse in judgement my ass, Lee.”

 

“It was a one time thing, I swear.”  It wasn’t.  Lee knows it.  Jason knows it.  There’s no going back to pretending any more.

 

“You’re so full of bullshit I can’t even stand it, Lee.”  Jason starts crying and Lee instinctively moves to hold him.  Jason jerks out of his embrace.”Don’t touch me.”

 

Lee puts his hands up, backs away.  “That’s fair.”

 

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

 

“YOUR House?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“This is my house too.”

 

“You seem perfectly comfortable at the apartment.” 

 

“Don’t do this, Jason.”

 

“I didn’t do this, Lee.  You did.”  And he’s right.  He’s completely right.    


Lee sighs. 

 

“Can I get some clothes?”

 

“Whatever.” 

 

Lee trudges up to their bedroom, grabs a bag, and stuffs in jeans and T shirts from the closet.  He notices a cap he hasn’t worn for ages, black with a Yankees insignia embroidered on the front, and he throws it into his bag, too.

 

He can’t pass Jeremy’s room, so he slips inside. 

 

Jeremy is sleeping on his stomach like the perfect angel he is.  

 

The slap didn’t do it, the confrontation didn’t do it, but the realization that he’s just fucked up his son’s life has him bawling like a child.

 

Jeremy groggily stirs. “What’s wrong, Daddy.”

 

Lee quickly wipes his eyes.  “Nothing’s wrong, baby.  Daddy’s just gotta go away for a while and he’s going to miss you.”

 

“Oh, like work?” Jeremy asks.

 

“Sort of like that.”  He lies.  He knows there’s probably an appropriate way to explain what’s going on, but he doesn’t have the heart to confess to his son. “Can I have a hug before I go?”

 

Jeremy jumps out of bed and into Lee’s arms.  Lee stands up and scoops him up like he always does. He spends a good minute with his son in his arms, his big hand almost dwarfing Jeremy’s head as he smooths his hair, taking time to smell the sweet perfume of his kids shampoo.  

 

Jeremy starts squirming in his arms, so Lee let’s him down and he yawns and walks back to his bed.

Lee tucks him back in, and gives him a kiss on the forehead. He’s asleep before Lee’s at the door.  He takes one more look at his son before turning around and exiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad, right? 
> 
> Tell me how much you hate me right now in the comments (or don't, because I'm being a total>>>comment whore


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some painful and uncomfortable memories for Rich and Lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few time skips in this one. I tried to get the years right, but if some one with more math skills is out there and I got something wrong, feel free to tease me in the comments.

15 years earlier

 

“Maybe you should just leave.” Lee said.  He was still naked, still in bed.  But instead of feeling the usual post coital bliss he was used to, all he felt was contempt.

 

“Lee, let’s talk about this.”

 

“No. We were talking. We’ve been talking, and nothing ever happens. I’m tired of talking about this.”

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

 

“I want you to say, ‘Hi, my name is Richard, and this is my boyfriend, Lee.’”

 

“Why is this so hard to understand?  I love you Lee, but it’s better if we don’t do this.”

 

“Better for who?”

 

“Both of us.”

 

“It’s a lot better for you.”

 

“It’s one thing for everyone to think you’re gay than to have proof, Lee.”

 

“Doesn’t make a difference as far as I can tell.”

 

“I don’t see why you’ve got to keep pushing this.  If you love me, and I love you, why can’t that be enough?”

 

“Because if you really love me, then telling the world about it shouldn’t be an issue.”

 

Richard bends down to kiss Lee, and there’s something in it that feels like an ending. He throws on his jacket and looks back from the doorway as he leaves. 

 

“I’m sorry Lee.  I truly am.”

*****************************************************

Violet isn’t the type to bring carry a small purse.  And the bag she’s got with her is not only huge, it’s full.  

 

She sits down in Richard’s cozy living room and immediately starts pulling things out of it. Normal things for a writer, pen, notepad.  

 

Then, she pulls out an antiquated tape deck.

 

“Is this what I think it is?”

 

“Yup. I started using this ironically, but, like so much, it’s just become part of who I am.”  She pulls out a new cassette tape.

 

“I didn’t know they still made these.” Richard says, taking the cassette out of her hands to marvel at it.

 

“I have to buy them online.” She says, writing on the cover the date and his last name. He hands her back the tape and she pops it in and presses the record button.

 

Richard feels an instant panic, he has no idea what he’s supposed to be saying now that the tape is rolling, but Violet saves him.

 

“So, do you want to start with the basics?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Where you’re from, what growing up was like, that sort of stuff.”

 

“Your notebook is already half full.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So you already know all that stuff.”

 

“I don’t know it in your own words.”

 

“I have to tell you, this is weirder than a normal interview.”

 

“It’s not a normal interview.”

 

“Well, that takes a load off my mind then.”

 

As they go through his childhood, Violet’s easy demeanor and sense of humor help ease Richard.  by the time the tape is over, he’s astonished to believe they’ve been talking for nearly 3 hours.     
  


“This has been really good. Do you want to continue?”  She asks.

 

“I don’t know.  It’s hard to talk about yourself for so long.”

 

“It’s so weird to me that you think that.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because, you’re interesting, Richard.”

 

“I hardly think hearing about how I broke my wrist in primary school is interesting.”

 

“But it is.  You’ve got a voice-” Richard rolled his eyes.  He’d heard all about how wonderful his voice was. “- No, not that kind of voice, not that it isn’t fantastic. But the style of you.  Are you sure you even need me?  You could write this on your own.”

 

He laughed.  He would never be able to do this on his own, and he told her so.

 

“Well, good for me than.”  She hesitated. 

 

“Out with it.”

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

“I hardly doubt that.”   
  


“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

“Good Lord, Child, just out with it.”

 

“Well, we’re already up to your teenaged years, and you haven’t talked about anything related to dating.”

 

Richard gulped.  She was right, this was making him uncomfortable.   
  


“Maybe I didn’t date.”

 

“Maybe not.”  She says, not believing for a single second that even a lanky, scared childish version of Richard wasn’t getting some. “It must be time to stop for now.  Shall we say same time, next week?”

 

“Sounds superb.” he says as she starts packing up her notebook and ridiculous contraption.   
  


**************************************************

42 years earlier

 

Richard hated everything about traveling abroad.  He hated the cramped quarters and he hated the routine he was in and he hated the pay and the food and he hated Budapest completely.  He was counting down the days when his bloody adventure would be over, and he could go back home to England, his equity card in hand.

 

What he didn’t hate was Pierre. He didn’t know much French and was kicking himself for not paying better attention in school.  Gratefully, the gorgeous stage hand was masterly fluent in English, so it wasn’t a problem.  But every once in a while, Pierre would slip into French, and it was simultaneously intoxicating and frustrating to only be able to pick out a phrase here or there.

 

There wasn’t much privacy for them, neither one of them was high enough up the accomplishment ladder to afford themselves a proper room.  But they were both young and in love and no matter how dangerous it was, they just couldn’t care. 

 

The first time Pierre had kissed him, Richard went so weak in the knees, it was lucky that the frenchman had his arms around him.  The second time, his tongue darting between Richard’s lips with a skill he’d yet to master, it had been over for him.  The third time, Richard dared to kiss Pierre first, drawing him in and never wanting to let go. 

 

Present Day   


 

Richard woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavy.  He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.  After all this time, the last person he wanted to think about was Pierre.  He felt a twinge in his heart as Lee’s face flew through his memory.  Perhaps Pierre wasn’t the  last  person he wanted to think about…   
  


*************************************

Lee’s alarm was ringing.  It had been ringing for at least five minutes, but he didn’t have the will to get out of bed and stop it.  He looked around the messy bedroom, and noticed that he hadn’t had the will to do much of anything lately. 

 

Depression was a bitch, especially when he knew that this depression was all his fault.  He finally got the energy to get up, and grabbed his phone from the dresser, turning off the incessant alarm.  

 

There was still a picture of Jason and Jeremy on his background, and seeing it made him fall apart all over again. He sobbed uncontrollably.  Why not?  There was no one there to be strong for, no one there to stop him.  

 

The realization made him want to break down even more, but he physically couldn’t.

 

He pushed the speed dial for the millionth time, letting Jason’s number ring once before he hung up, knowing he’d hear his voice and have no idea what to say.

 

The fact was, as precious as Jason had been to him, he didn’t want to be with him any more. 

 

He wished that things hadn’t turned out as dramatically as they did, and he didn’t blame Jason for hating him.  

 

He hated what he’d become with Jason.  It was all his fault, and he knew it, but he’d acted terribly because there was something missing between them.  Something they couldn’t fix.  

 

Jason had given it his all by bringing Jeremy into their lives- and even if Jeremy was just a salve to hide the fact that Lee and Jason had fallen out of love, Lee didn’t care, because he loved Jeremy with all his heart.  In a way he’d never been able to love Jason.  But it isn’t fair to ask a kid to save your marriage, and it hadn’t worked.  

 

Jeremy was something for Jason to do, but it had put Lee on the back burner.  Instead of figuring out what was wrong between the two of them, they’d simply delved into fatherhood with a misplaced faith that it would save them.  And when it didn’t, Lee had ended up feeling alone, and done what he’d always done, searched for someone to make him feel less lonely. 

 

Looking back at it, within the confines of the crappy apartment he was stuck in, he would have done anything for some marriage counseling. He was looking at the beginnings of a nasty divorce now, and he knew he deserved every last thing that was going to happen to him.  Jason deserved to be angry, a few cowardly mistakes had uprooted their whole life, and all Lee could do was stew in the mess he’d created. 

 

He flopped back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, and marveled for a moment about how terrible it felt to be utterly and completely dumped. A fleeting thought raced through his head.  I wonder if this is how bad Richard felt…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet takes Richard on a trip down memory lane.

“I brought you something.”  

“Oh you did?”  Violet was carrying an envelope that could only be pictures.  Did anyone ever print out pictures any more?  Digital everything meant that you never had to have a physical thing unless you wanted it.  No, unless you went through an extreme amount of hassle to get it.

“Uh huh.”  she hands him the envelope and he opens it, pulling out a stack of pictures without studying them.

“How did you ever get pictures developed?”

“The internet.  I had to express ship them from the states.”

“You are an incredibly odd girl.”

“Just look at them.  You’ll like them.”

They were old twitter photos, movie stills, press pictures, red carpet interview captures.  Random snapshots of his professional life.  Everything very public.  Something an internet search would have easily turned up.

“I thought it might help jog some good memories.”  Violet had been coming over more often lately.  Not that Richard particularly minded.  He was doing some research for a new part, but it was months away, and his requests for company had dwindled considerably when Josephine had taken a new part out of the country a few weeks earlier.   They’d already gone over a lot of things. He’d already told her he didn’t want to talk about his love life, on more than one occasion.

“I’m very boring, Violet.”

“I’ve spent at least 40 hours with you over the past month.  You’re not _that_ boring.”

“Perhaps not, but that part of me isn’t very exciting at all.”

“It will be if you talk about it.”

“Why are you so invested any ways?  This isn’t something Josephine has put you up to is it?”

“Josephine is perfectly content with Rodrigo.”

“Who’s Rodrigo?”

“A stagehand in her new show.”  Richard blushed.  She certainly moved on faster than he could.  But he hoped she was enjoying herself.  You should when you’re younger… and occasionally when you’re older.

He looked through the pictures some more.  God he had looked so good 20 years ago. And he’d been old by some standards _then_.  He wasn’t sure he’d even recognize himself now.

Of course his fears were invalid, he could still play 40 if he wanted to (he never did) with out anyone batting an eye. (Though it did mean he spent a little more time at the hairdresser’s.)

“You don’t see me asking you about your sex life, Violet.”

“Are you writing a book on me?”

“Maybe I will.  ‘Memoirs of a Ghostwriter.’  I think there’s a market for that.”

“Memoirs means I’d write it.”

“Ok.  I’ll be your ghost writer.”

They both laughed.  Richard was sure that if he could just be absurd enough every time she brought it up, he’d get through this without having to divulge any dirty secrets

He’s still leafing through the pictures when one comes up that catches his eye.  

He’s standing on Hollywood Boulevard, right outside the Chinese theater, with his arm around Lee.  They’re both smiling like they’ve got a secret.  And they do.  

“Where’d you find this?” He asks, showing her the picture.

“You know, around.”  she replies, taking it from him for a closer look.

“That’s one of my favourites.” he admits. “We certainly were good looking back then.”

“You’re still good looking.”

“I’m sure.” he laughs.

“And Lee.  Wooohoo.  Have you seen him lately?”

Richard swallows.

“We don’t really keep in touch any more.”

“Seemed like you two were… good friends.”

“Are you insinuating something?”

“Should I be?”

“It was a long time ago.  I doubt he even remembers it.”

“But you do?”

“You’re a very sneaky girl, you know that?”

“Just curious.  A lot of people through the years have linked you two together.”

“I’m sure they have.”

“But you don’t want to clarify?”

“It doesn’t need any clarification.”

“Why not?”

“Because, it was so long ago.  It doesn’t matter any more.”

“When’s the last time you two spoke?”

“Eons ago, my dear.  Positively eons ago.”

*************************************************************

_9 years earlier_

Richard wished he’d backed out of the panel.  Comic Con was such a zoo, and he didn’t even think anyone would care any more about The Hobbit. It had been 10 years, for god’s sake.  

Of course, the hall was over max capacity when they all filed in, ready (for the most part) to reminisce about what it had been like to help Peter create something such a long time ago.

And it wasn’t the panel that was bothering him.  Richard knew it, the second he laid eyes on Lee.  The man was electric, and addicting, and he would have dropped down to his knees the very second they’d been out of camera’s sight and begged him to take him back if he could have.

But Lee’s new boyfriend was there.  And he was adorable, and young and sweet looking.  And Richard couldn’t compete with that, so he smiled big, took only one second longer than he should have when Lee gave him a hug hello, and went back to work.

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Can I see Jeremy this weekend?” Lee asked, timidly.

There was a silence on the other end of the line, and Lee’s heart raced for every second of it.

“Where are you going to take him?”

“I don’t know.  The Zoo?”

“Why?”

“It was the first place that popped into my head. I’ll take him to the aquarium if you’d rather.”

“I’m not letting you drive him all the way to Long Beach.”

“Just tell me where you want me to take him.”

“I don’t want you to take him any where.”

“You have to let me see my son, Jason.”

“I don’t have to let you do anything.”

“Please?  Doesn’t he miss me at all?”

Jason sighed over the line.  Jeremy missed Lee immensely.  He’d scream and cry every night, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”  was etched into Jason’s ear drums.

“I don’t know.”  He told Lee.

“Well, I miss him.  I’ve got the second bedroom all set up for him.  Why don’t you let me watch him for the weekend?  Go out and have a night for yourself.”

“Wow, Lee.  You sure are generous.” Jason spewed, sarcastically.

“I’m just trying to be nice.”

“I wish you’d thought of that three years ago.”

“Yeah… me too.”

Jason got off the phone quickly.  He didn’t have the constitution to deal with this alone, but the only person who he would have wanted to turn to was the person who’d done this to him in the first place.  

He gives in, letting Lee have Jeremy for the weekend, even if he wants to hold their son hostage just to hurt Lee one millionth of the amount that he’s been hurt. When the agreement has been reached, Jason hangs up the phone in relief.

*******************************************

“Daddy!!!!” Jeremy screams in exuberance, running into Lee’s outstretched arms.  He scoops up his son and pulls him up with delight, squeezing just a little too tight for comfort.

Jason stands at the door, and Lee isn’t ready to let go of Jeremy, so he carries him up to the house.  Jason hands Lee a backpack filled with everything Jeremy’s considered essential for the weekend.  It’s heavier than Lee expects, and he catches himself as he adjusts the bag on his shoulder.

“Thanks.” He says, and Jason shrugs, not really sure he can say anything to him. Lee sighs, but doesn’t want to push things, not now.  “Ok.”  He turns to Jeremy.  “Wanna say goodbye to Dada?”

Jeremy waves.  “Bye Dada.  See you later!”  Jason moves in for a kiss from Jeremy.  He’s almost leaning on Lee, and it feels so good, he can remember what it’s like to be wrapped in those arms, and he wishes with all his heart that he didn’t miss him so much.  He gets his kiss and steps back as quickly as possible.

“I’ll see you at 11 tomorrow morning, ok?”  he says to Jeremy, but means as a warning to Lee, who had better not be even a second late.

“Ok Dada.  See you at ‘leven.”  he says, wriggling to get free from Lee.  Jason wishes he could get free, too.  Lee lets Jeremy down, and he runs to give Jason a hug, quickly squeezing around Dada’s legs and then returning to grab Lee’s hand.

“Tomorrow at 11.” Lee says, and all Jason can do it nod.

*************************************************

“Listen, I think we should talk about this a little more.” Violet says between bites of chow mein.  She’s laying across the sofa, her feet up on the armrest like she owns the place, and she’s wearing another wig.

“There’s nothing left to talk about.  I’m not married, I’ll probably never be married, and no one needs to know about who I’ve dated.”

“You keep saying that like it could possibly be true.  But these books work better with a love story.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.  And I’m qualified, thank you.”

“Do you ever think that maybe these books are all centered around a love story because biographers like you are sex crazed maniacs?”

“I’m not crazed… well, not totally.  But the fact that you won’t talk about it pique’s my interest.”

“You’ll have to get me drunker than this to get me to talk about it.”

And from her magic bag comes a bottle of whiskey.  

“Alright, Richard.  I’m calling your bluff.”

“How could you know I was going to say that?”

“I didn’t.  I just had a bottle of booze in my purse.”

Richard stares at the bottle- the very good bottle.  He opens it and takes a drink.

“You’re a different sort of girl, aren’t you?”

****************************************************************

“No, you didn’t!”

“I did.  Held the radio over my head right outside the window and everything.”

“And what did she do?”

“Well, she dipped her head outside, took one look at me, and threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t turn it off.”

“So, no love connection?”  
  
“Well, certainly not the true love story anyone’s waiting for.”   Violet laughed.  “I guess I’m just as unlucky in love as you, Richard.”  

They were half a bottle in, and had lost all formalities long ago.  Or at least Violet had.  She was laying on the floor, her wig thrown to the far end of the room.  

She’d been trying to coax stories out of him for at least an hour, and every time she told one and he wouldn’t, she’d force him to do another shot.

“Hardly. My romantic gestures don’t get me locked up.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Nice try, dear.  Nice Try.”  she was ready with another shot for him.

“Oh, come on. You’ve heard all about my terrible girlfriends, my terrible boyfriends.  The least you can do is give me something.”

“I have a tip for you” he downs the shot and places the glass on top of her head.  She drunkenly attempts to keep it steady. “Stop dating horrible people.”  

“Well, we can’t ALL date Lee Pace.”

Richard rolls his eyes.

“Why do you keep bringing him up?”

Violet gets onto her wobbly legs and walks to the bookshelf. She looks for a second through the books until she comes to something else, the picture from a few weeks ago, and tosses it to Richard, who haphazardly catches it.

“Because there’s something about him, isn’t there?”

Richard looks at the picture.  

“There really is.”  He takes the bottle from Violet and chugs. “Are you sure you want to hear this story?”


	8. Chapter 8

“Lee, I don’t even want to tell you what they’ve sent us. It’s insulting.”

Mike was a good divorce lawyer, and what made him good was that he was always in your corner. Whatever you’d done didn’t matter, because he was there to advocate for you. Lee had no idea why he’d chosen him, he’d been suggested by his manager.

“What does he want?”

“The house- in full, with alimony matching the entire 8 years of marriage, child support AND tuition payments, along with a contractual agreement to pay for college.”

“What does he say about custody?”

“Joint custody with allowances for you to take Jeremy for two two week vacations a year.”

“Give him whatever he wants.”

“But Lee, we can get him to go down on this.”

“I don’t want to risk him coming down on custody. Give him whatever he wants as long as it means I’ve got Jeremy 15 days a month.”

Mike sighed. Kids always made things more complicated. But if that’s what Lee really thought he wanted…

“You’re going to be kicking yourself a few years from now, Lee.”

“Let me worry about that a few years from now.”

********************************************

“I have something for you.” She wasn’t wearing her insane bag, or her insane hair. For a second, Richard recognize the mousy timid girl he’d met so many months ago after a showing of Lear.

“Oh god, please tell me it’s not more liquor.”

It had taken him a whole day to become functional after their binge, and even a week later, he wasn’t fully recovered.

“No. It’s… Well, it’s a first draft.”

“You can’t be finished with that yet,”

“I said first draft, didn’t I?” She handed him a thick stack of pages. “It’s really, really rough. I usually go through and do a few edits before I give it to anyone, but I think you’re gonna want to read this before we go any further.” She gets up and starts walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

  
“You’re more interesting than you think, but you’re not entertaining enough that I want to sit here for two hours while you read.”

“So you want me to read this right now?”

“Do whatever you want. But I need your feedback before I can continue. And I really want to continue.” She says before slipping out the door.

Richard puts down the manuscript on the coffee table, not sure if he’s really ready to find out what the highlights of his life are. He walks to the kitchen and uncorks a bottle of red wine. He pours a glass, finishes that glass, and pours himself another glass before he goes back to the coffee table and turns the first page.

************************************

Richard can’t believe that Violet’s found a love story in his life. There are enough stories that aren’t about it, but if Richard is the lead in this story, then Violet’s cast Lee as the love interest.

He doesn’t know how to let her down, so he calls her, hoping he’ll figure it out while they’re talking.

“Hey, it’s midnight.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No, just didn’t expect you to still be up.”

“I was reading.”

“Oh. Did you finish?”

“Yes.”

“And what do you think?”

“I think you’ve misunderstood a few things.”

“Have I?”

“Violet, you know I can’t have this published.”

“Do I?”

“Please. Don’t make me spell it out for you.”

“Fine. _I’ll_ spell it out for you. You’re bisexual, Richard. And it’s helped you become the success you are.”

“I hardly think who I have sex with has any bearing on my success. If anything, it has a lot more to do with my struggles.”

“So why not talk about that? Your industry is behind the times, and you’ve still succeeded. It makes your story so much better.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Everyone else will.”

“Violet, no. I understand your agenda. But I’m not the person for it. For god’s sake, why would you want a story like mine, when I didn’t even…”

“What?”

“When I couldn’t even keep him?”

There was a pause on the other side of the line.

“Do you still love him?”

“It doesn’t matter. It was years ago.”

“Of course it matters.”

“Why? Are you going to tell me I should run after him after all this time, Violet?”

“Well, he is divorced.”

“What’s your point? He doesn’t want an old man like me back in his life.”

“Can you pull your head out of your ass for one minute and just admit that you’re a catch? I’m only asking for two seconds, ok?”

“The love story doesn’t work. Take it out.”

“What do you want me to replace it with?”

“Come over tomorrow. We’ll talk about it.”

“You’re the boss, Richard.”

****************************************************

Lee would think he was doing really good, and then he’d realize that it was his turn to pick Jeremy up from school and he was already 15 minutes late, or he’d be really proud of himself for remembering his lunch, only to realize his homework folder was sitting on their kitchen table.

But those were the good days, when Jeremy was with him.

The nights when Lee was alone were harder.

It had been so long since Lee had really, truly been alone, and he didn’t exactly know what to do with himself any more. So, whenever Jeremy wasn’t around, Lee’s new hobby had been going over past relationships, trying to figure out when and how he become such a sleeze-bag. Pulling out old pictures on old phones, looking through ancient social media feeds, and occasionally sending out a few drunk texts or calls to old boyfriends, just to see how they were doing.

But there was one number he didn’t dare use. He’d stare at it for what felt like hours, had imagined hundreds of scenarios over what would happen if he pushed that little call button. But actually doing it was something he just couldn’t do. He’d stare, take another drink, and eventually throw down his phone, the name of the screen still reading _Richard_. 


	9. Chapter 9

“So, I guess this is real now.” Richard said, smiling at Violet.  They were standing in the corner after the unveiling of a giant poster showcasing the cover of Richard’s autobiography.  This wasn’t normal for Violet.  Most of her clients were happy to shove her away once the writing was finished, but Richard had insisted she come.   

And even though Violet was a little nervous about being there, no one seemed to notice the mousy haired young girl that Richard had brought as… well, not his date… but his plus one.  A few people had speculated she must be a niece or a friend of a friend.  Someone thought she was a contest winner, though they hadn’t remembered the publishing house setting up a contest.

Ironically, Richard didn’t seem to care what people thought either way.  With Violet there, he was  more confident.  He’d gone over the material with her meticulously, but having her there just in case was soothing.  And Violet loved free food and wine.  They’d really gone all out, it was interesting seeing how the other half lived.

“It has been real, Richard.”  She tells him.  He smiles but he can tell she’s holding something back.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m going to get it out of you, you know.”

“I’d like to see you try. “  And just like that, they’ve started the game for the night.  Every spare moment of Richard’s time (admittedly there weren’t many) was devoted to finding a way to figure Violet out.

She admits, if only to herself, that it is nice to have so much attention from someone she absolutely adores. But his gentle teasing isn’t going to persuade her to give up her secret, even if it is hilarious to see him work so hard.

By the end of the night, Violet is cursing her gorgeous, not sensible shoes, and when she and Richard decide to split a cab, she wastes no time in taking them off as soon as her bum hits the seat.

“Alright, You won tonight.”  Richard concedes.

“Thank you very much sir.”

“Your prize is telling me what your problem was.”

“Oh, that’s my prize is it?”

“Maybe I’ll help fix it.”

“I think it’s too late, Richard.”

“It’s never too late.  Tell me.”

“I don’t think you’ll be happy with why I’m sad.”

“I can’t be happy that you’re sad, but out with it, woman!”  

“I was thinking about those chapters with Lee.”

Richard swallowed hard.  He’d let up a little, and written a few passages about women he’d dated.  But they were the only dating history he’d allowed into the book.  Violet’s passages about Lee had been enchanting, romantic, and with a little creative license, hot.

Richard wondered if he’d been able to write like that to Lee if they’d still be together.  

What would life be like if they were still together?

It didn’t matter.  Beautiful as it had all been, Richard had deleted Lee in the first draft, and she was right, it was too late now.

“I wish I hadn’t pushed you.”

“I know.”

“That can’t go into this book.”

“I know. But..”

“But what?”

“Never Mind.”

“Come on, now.  What?”  
  
“What about if you just sent it to him?”

Richard laughed.

“He wouldn’t care.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It’s been too long.  It’s too late now.”  
  
“What about ‘It’s never too late?’”

“I lied.”

“Ok.  Well, the check’s cleared my account, so if it ever changes, those words are all yours now.”  The taxi stopped in front of Violet’s building.   She goes to pay the fare, but Richard stops her.    As she hobbles out the door, Richard rolls down the window to say goodbye.  

She flings the front half of her body into the cab to hug him.

“I think you were right the first time, Richard.  It’s never too late.” she whispers in his ear before turning around to disappear behind her doors.

***********************************

Jeremy was with Jason for the week.  Lee had been working on a project that he knew was below him, but paid well, and as embarrassing as it was, he had alimony to pay and was tired of living in the apartment that felt more and more cramped every day.  Five weeks in an LA shoot would give him enough to get back into a place closer to the neighborhood where Jeremy’s school was, and he was looking forward to finally ditching the apartment for good, but it still meant he had to get through three more weeks with a hack director and too many movie executives watching everything he was trying to do to make the best of a shitty script.

He didn’t have any friends on the film, and the cast was mostly green anyways.  He knew he was there because of his name, and it made him feel like a social pariah.  

But he’d made it through the first week relatively intact, had even perhaps enjoyed the day when he’d taken Jeremy on a tour of the set, letting him work his adorable magic on the cast and crew so he wouldn’t have to. It was the second week, when Jason had taken Jeremy out of town, that he struggled.

He knew he needed more social interaction than a nearly 6 year old could be asked to provide, but depression had hit him deep, and he was still in mourning for his dead relationship.  Even if things were cordial, it had been a reasonable enough time, and it hadn’t quite been the marriage he was not romanticizing it to be.

It was finally Friday night, and Lee had allowed himself the luxury of letting loose.  He still wasn’t up to socializing like he’d been so fond of when he’d been married.  But he was up to drinking, and he did so with vigor.  He pulled out his phone like he’d done so many times before. He pulled up Richard’s contact file, like he’d done a million times, but this time, he actually pushed the call button.

This is crazy. He thought at the first ring.  What time is it in London?  at the second ring. Maybe its not even his number anymore.

***************************************************

It was 6 in the bloody morning.  Who the hell could be calling that early?

Richard wasn’t an early riser, and almost everyone knew not to rouse him, lest he become the grumpy monster he was notorious for without his beauty sleep.

He contemplated not answering, but still fished for his phone.  Something compelled him to push the answer button without looking at the screen.

“Hello?” he asked, not making even the slightest attempt to hide his annoyance.

And the other line hesitated before squeaking out a sheepish “Hello.”

Richard bolted up, knowing immediately who he was talking to.

“Lee?”

“Richard?”

“Yes.  Yes.  God, is that really you?”

“Afraid so.”  Lee teased.

“How have you been?”

“Oh, you know…”  He couldn’t really describe it.  “How have you been?”

“About the same, I suppose.”

Lee laughed.  “I doubt it.”  there was a pause on the line, but Lee couldn’t let him go so easily.  After so many failed attempts at making contact, he wasn’t going to give up just yet.

“I never called to congratulate you on your Olivier.”

“Oh, that.” Richard laughs.  “Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting a muffin basket from you.”

“That would have been a good idea.  Did you get a lot of muffin baskets?”

“Loads of them.  I’ve still some around, hard as rocks now.”

“Well, then. consider my lack of muffin basket my present to you.  And congratulations, I’m sure you deserved it.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, I think you deserved it last time.”

“For the Crucible?  Hardly.”

“Hardly my foot.  You worked your ass off for that show.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Years.”  

“I never would have made it through if you hadn’t been there for me.  You know that, don’t you?”

There’s a silence on Lee’s end.  There are too many miles between them, too much time.

“Yes.”

“Do you ever think about those days any more?”

“More than I should admit.”

“Why is that?  There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing.”

“I suppose you’re right.  Maybe next time you’re in the states, we can get together and go over old memories.”

“I’ll be in New York next month.”

“Shit, really?”

“I’ve got a book signing.”

“A book signing?  That’s incredible!  Congratulations… again!”

“Oh, no, my name’s on it, but they gave me a girl to write the whole thing.  Very funny process this whole book business.”

“Exciting though.”

“I suppose.  Do you think you might be around?  I’d love to see you.”

“I think I can work that out.”

They talked for a few more minutes, Lee apologizing for missing Lear, and Richard rehashing the silliest moments.  By the end of the conversation, they had solidified plans for New York, and as he hung up the phone, Lee wanted to pinch himself.   In all the times he’d imagined what would happen during that call, this hadn’t ever come up. 


	10. Chapter 10

Lee was nervous.  He had wanted to go to the book signing, but it was always too hard for him to blend in.  So here he was, sitting in a coffee shop that was walking distance from Richard, nervously drinking coffee and waiting.

 

He’d changed outfits three times that morning, nothing looking quite as good after being crammed in his suitcase for the flight as it had when he’d picked it out the day before. Seeing an ex boyfriend wasn’t usually this stressful for him, but then this wasn’t just anyone… it was  Richard , and that meant everything.

 

After what felt like an eternity of slightly uncomfortable fidgeting, it was time.  The second Richard walked into the door, Lee got a surge of adrenalin.  

 

God, he was so beautiful it hurt to look at him, so he turned his head down for a second, staring at his empty coffee cup and praying that he could get his bearings before Richard made it over to his table.  

 

The second Richard saw Lee, his knees nearly buckled.  He was so gorgeous it physically hurt and it took him a second to remember how to walk, but he made an absolutely superb effort to appear as normal as possible- quite a feat even for an acclaimed actor when so many thoughts were racing through his head. 

 

Lee stood up when Richard stopped at the table, and while he hesitated slightly, Richard didn’t, pulling Lee into a bear hug that made him smile from ear to ear.   

 

Richard realized too late that perhaps a crowded coffee shop wasn’t the most appropriate place for such a display of affection, it was agony letting go of him.  He didn’t bother to sit down.

 

“Fancy a walk?”  he asked, and Lee gratefully acquiesced.

*************************************************

“It’s sort of weird to be back in our old haunt.” Richard admitted.  

 

“I know.  Things have changed, but they’re still the same.  It’s like being in a dream or something.”

 

They’d passed by their favorite bakery, which looked the same, but their favorite breakfast joint had closed and been replaced with something painfully modern.  

 

“Do you ever dream about it?  Being here again, I mean.”

 

“I think about it sometimes.”

 

“Do you miss it?”

 

“Do you?”   
  


“A lot, actually.  London’s wonderful, but it’s not New York, is it?”   
  


“I suppose not.  Do you think you’d ever move back?”

 

“Here?  I don’t know.  It really is more convenient.  I get so tired flying to LA all the way from London.  I can’t believe how much I long for three hour flights.  What about you?”   
  


“I think about it sometimes.  But it would be such a hassle, with Jeremy.”

 

“Jeremy?”

 

“Oh, god.  Yeah.  My son.  That’s his name.  I can’t believe I didn’t tell you.”

 

“I know you have a son, Lee.  It’s not hard to find an IMDB page you know.”

 

“But I have to show you pictures.   I’m one of those obnoxious parents who’s always showing everyone pictures.”

 

“I remember.  You used to do the same thing with Carl.”

 

There was a momentary silent pang between them.  Carl was still sorely missed. 

 

“Well, indulge me then.”  He pulled up a folder on his phone.  There was a bench in the vicinity, and Richard sat down as Lee handed him the phone. 

 

“He’s adorable.”  Richard told Lee after scrolling through a few pictures.    
  


“Thanks.  He’s really smart, too.  I know everyone thinks that about their kids, but I’m right about mine.”

 

Richard chuckled.  “Look at you, so domesticated!” 

 

“Oh hardly.  I had all this to look after and I couldn’t even keep it together.”

 

“I’d heard you got divorced.  I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.  It wasn’t working very well.  It’s probably better this way.  We weren’t compatible anymore.  God I feel like I’m spewing cliches at you.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“I don’t want to bore you.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“I just messed up a lot.  I changed a lot, and Jason changed a lot, and we just grew apart.”

 

“It happens to the best of us.”

 

“Yeah, but I didn’t handle it the right way.”

 

“How so?”

 

“There’s counseling for that, and there’s bravery, and courage and a lot of ways to act like an adult when things are going wrong, and I ignored all of that and just started getting high and screwing other people.”

 

“Oh, Lee.”

 

“I know.  I know.  I’m terrible.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

 

“No one deserves that.  Especially from a husband.”

 

“Well, you’re right there, but it doesn’t make you a bad person.  You just made bad decisions.”

 

“You say that.  But could you really have forgiven me if I’d ever done something like that to you?”

 

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t have to go through it.  But I don’t know that it would have been any worse than why we did break up.”

 

“Ha!  Richard, I promise you, your not wanting to come out is a lot easier than my slutting around.”

 

“Maybe you’re right.  Though I’m not sure.  Either way, I’m an old man now, and all I can think is, if you really love someone, even big mistakes are trivial in the long run.”

 

“You’re not an old man.”

 

“Don’t flatter me.”

 

“You don’t seem like an old man to me.”

 

“Ha!”

 

“I’m not joking with you.  You look just as good as the day I met you.”

 

“You’re a very sweet person Lee.”

 

“I’m just trying to get a compliment out of you.”

 

“Well, you don’t look as good as the day I met you.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

“You look even better.”

 

Lee laughed. “Oh really?”

 

“Yeah, you were a complete mess the day we met.”

 

“I was not!”

 

“You were, too.”

 

“Well, excuse me.  I was jet lagged, and distracted by a very cute Dwarf.”

 

“Aidan?”

 

"Precisely.”

 

They both smiled.  Their chummy banter meant something more than a simple walk down memory lane, it was as if after all these years, they hadn’t skipped a beat.   Lee looked at Richard, who was still holding his phone and staring at him.  And then he kissed Richard. 

 

It happened in slow motion, and felt like a force of nature, something that Lee couldn’t control if he wanted to (Not that he did)  

 

Richard tasted delicious.  Kissing him was like stepping back in time, Lee’s heart fluttered as he felt Richard’s hand rest on the back of his neck, pulling him closer.  It was agony when they finally pulled apart. 

 

“Perhaps we’d better start walking again.”  Richard suggested.

 

“Might be a good idea.”

 

There was a slight pause, then Richard continued.

 

“My hotel isn’t very far from here.”

 

It was a risk, but one Lee eagerly jumped on.

 

“Well, lets take a walk there, then.”

 

*********************************************

As soon as they were inside Richard’s hotel room, they were all over each other.  Lee grabbed Richard by the sides of his jacket and pulled him in for a kiss as Richard wrapped his arms around Lee to get even closer.  He tilted his head up, Lee’s tongue darting between his lips again.

They removed each others clothes at a breakneck speed, kissing and caressing the entire time.   As Lee fell onto the bed, Richard pulled a bottle of lube and a condom out of his overnight bag. 

“Came prepared, eh?” Lee teased.

“Just wishful thinking, really.”  He admitted.  The fact that this was happening still felt surreal, even if he had gone out and purchased the supplies the very night Lee had called. 

Lee pulled Richard onto the bed with him, closing the gap between them instantaneously, and lining up their hard cocks together.  Richard shivered with pleasure at the sensation, letting out a sigh.  He hadn’t done this in years, but it felt so…  right.

Lee wrapped his hand around them and began stroking, tiny moans occasionally escaping from his lips. Richard pulled him in for another kiss, reassurance that this was really happening, that they were really doing this.  

“I want you so badly.”  He told Lee, who kissed him, hard before saying,    
  
“I want you, too.”

As hard as it was to pull away from Lee’s cock and hand, Richard did, knowing what he was about to do would prove worth it. 

He sat up and repositioned himself between Lee’s legs. Dividing a squirt of lube between his hands, he wrapped his fingers around Lee’s shaft and started stroking.  After he’d found a pace that Lee liked, he moved his index finger under Lee’s balls and traced a line all the way down to his asshole. 

He was patient, not entering him until he was nearly begging for it, still stroking as he slipped inside with one finger, then two.  Lee was already on the verge when Richard slipped in the third finger, and Richard bent down and took just the tip of his cock into his mouth.  Lee bucked against the sensation.

“Richard.  Please.. I  need you.”

And that was all the encouragement he needed.  He got the condom rolled on in no time and  lined up against Lee, just waiting to enter him.

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Richard asked.

“Since the second I saw you in the coffee shop.”  Lee admitted.

And Richard slowly penetrates him, feeling fully at home for the first time in years. 

****************************************************

“So, What’s your book about?” Lee asks.  He was naked, feeding Richard room service french fries, and drinking a milkshake.  Richard had forgotten how munchie Lee got after sex; the bed was covered in junk food, but he didn’t care.  He was just happy to have Lee in bed with him. 

“It’s an autobiography.”

“That you didn’t write?”  Lee giggled.

“I helped write it.  Violet said I was one of the most hands on clients she’s ever had.”

“Violet?”

“She was my ghostwriter.  You’d love her.”

“Would I?”  

“Well, aside from making me sound like an interesting person, she’s actually one herself. I can’t quite explain it.  You’d just like her though.”

Lee takes a huge bite out of his hamburger and smiles.

“So, tell me about your autobiography.  Anything juicy I should know about?”   
  


 

Richard laughs.  “You don’t have to worry,  I didn’t divulge to the world just how much junk food you’re powered by.”  Lee smiles again.

“What did you say about me?”   
  


 

“That you were an incredible actor.”

“That’s it?”

“Is there something wrong with calling you incredible?”   
  


 

“I don’t suppose there is.  But I would think you’d say more than, “We worked together.””

Richard pauses for a minute.

“What did you want me to do, Lee?”

“Richard, we were together for four years.”

“And the world needs to know that?”

“We lived together.”

“I’m sorry, Lee.  I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

Lee was already off the bed and pulling on his pants. 

“Lee, don’t do this.”

“I think I have to.” He knows his shirt was on the nightstand at one point, but it’s not there and he can’t find it, he feels like he’s losing his mind, on the verge of a breakdown. He sits back on the bed, holding his head in his hand.  “All these years, and you’re still the same person.”

“It seemed like you liked that about me half an hour ago.”

“I love you Richard.  I’m always going to love you.  But we’ve been here before.  It just doesn’t work.”

“You love me?  Still?”

“Desperately.  But I’m too old and tired to hide.  I’ve had too many years out.  It’s not even a big deal any more.”

“For you.”

“For everyone.” Lee finally finds the shirt, under the pillow he’d been laying on.  

“What can I do to get you to stay?”

“I don’t think you can.”  He gets up and puts his shoes on.

“Lee… _please_.”  He says, rushing towards the door Lee is about to open.  Lee stands there for a minute.  He takes his hand and puts it on Richard’s face, pulling him in for a kiss.

“I don’t regret this… any of it.” he says.  And then, he’s gone, leaving Richard alone with a bed full of snacks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, am I right?
> 
> I don't think my smut writing skills are up to par enough to make up for the 12,000 words it took to get here. But to make up for it (And because this is also sort of a sad chapter) I'm going to try to get the next chapter up in the next few hours as well.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet calls Richard on his cowardice.

Richard was having a shitty night.  He’d been having a lot of shitty nights.  But tonight would be better, he was hoping.  It was the first time since he got back home that he was going to see Violet.

 

He’d told her everything that had happened with Lee, but commiserating in person was so much more fun.  And for some strange reason, the girl didn’t mind spending time with an old man that had squandered the love of his life... twice,  and apparently needed to moan about it over drinks. 

 

They started in a pub near Violet’s place.  It should have been obvious from the get go, but it took Richard a minute to recognize that they were in a gay bar.  Violet laughed when he asked her if he was right.

 

“Do you think I’d really go anywhere else?  It seems a pretty fair setting to listen to you talk about Lee.”

 

Richard just took a sip of his wine and gave her a sour face.

 

“I’d much prefer talking about it at my place.”

 

“If we’re going to be friends, you’re going to have to actually come out and visit me sometimes.  Besides, you spend too much time locked up at yours.  You’re practically a hermit.”

 

“I was just in New York last week!”

 

“Business.  When’s the last time you went anywhere for yourself?”

 

Richard thought back to the skiing trips he used to take.  He thought about the hiking Lee would drag him on, or the camping that he’d hated while packing, but didn’t want to leave by the time the tent was up.  And he really couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a real vacation.

Sensing that she wasn’t going to get an answer, Violet continued.

 

“You know where I’ve always wanted to go?”

 

“I’m sure it’s somewhere gay.” She laughs.

 

“You’re positively antiquated...but you’re not wrong.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Los Angeles.”

 

“LA is far from gay.”

 

“Maybe last time you were there.   Maybe things have changed, Richard.”  

 

They both take a drink, and simmer in the conversation.  Richard knows exactly what she’s getting at, but he’s not going to have a conversation about his sexuality while drinking Pinot Grigio in a gay bar.

 

“Let’s go somewhere else.”  He says.

 

“Where?”

 

“Your Place.”

 

Violet closes her eyes and smiles.

 

“Could you just say that one more time?”

 

“What?”

 

“Take me back to your place.”

 

“Take me back to your place.”

 

She pops open her eyes and hops off her barstool, dropping cash on the bar for both their drinks. 

 

“Well, now that my adolescent fantasy has been fulfilled, let’s go back to my place and work on getting your boyfriend back.”

********************************************

Violet’s flat was not conducive to company.  Even for her frame it was cramped, and for Richard, it was hilarious. She didn’t apologize for the mess on the floor, which was fine.  Violet had seen the state Richard could get into when he wasn’t working, and the mess didn’t bother him at all.  He’d just never known a woman not to apologize for a mess.  Though the women he was used to weren’t Violet’s age.  Perhaps she was right, things had changed. 

 

The furnishings were all picked to accommodate the tiny space.  Richard took a seat and Violet, after pouring two tumblers of whiskey, sat facing him on the bed. 

 

“So, I didn’t tell you this on the phone, but I don’t think this is a problem.”

 

“What are you talking about?  I got a “goodbye” fuck.  He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

 

“That’s a terrible interpretation.”

 

“How so?”   
  


“I think Lee really wants you.  He just doesn’t want to fall into the same thing that messed you guys up last time.”

 

“And what am I supposed to do about that?”

 

Violet looked at him like he was insane.  “You come out, Richard.”

 

“We’ve been over this too many times. I’m too old for that.”

 

“You’re never too old to be your true self.”

 

“I am my true self.  I don’t need to broadcast it to the world.”

 

“I’m calling bullshit on you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.  You make up these excuses that make you sound like a frightened child.  And you act like you don’t need to deal with this one thing, but even when the rest of the world forces you to deal with it, you shirk away.  Richard, you LOST LEE over something that 13 year olds do every single day, and you act like you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

 

“That was a cruel little bit of personal analysis.”

 

“You’re not paying me any more.  I don’t pull punches.  Besides.  You’re better than this. You’re Richard Fucking Armitage.  If anyone can combat internalized homophobia, it’s you.”

 

“I’m not homophobic!”

 

Violet sat silently for a second, then finished her glass.

 

“Sure.  You’re doing just fine.”  she said, clinking his glass against hers.   “Cheers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the shortest chapter. I might be able to get the next one up too. We'll see. Fingers crossed I don't have to do anything else today!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things can't be said out loud. Maybe Richard can explain himself a little better with written words.

To: Lee

From: Richard

Subject: Sorry

Lee,

I’m not sure I’ll do a fair job explaining this to you.

Seeing you last week was...amazing. You’re just as gorgeous and funny and intelligent as you ever were- not that I doubted you would be for a second. I really wasn’t expecting to fall for you again.

I don’t know if you can believe me or not, but it felt like a gift to be near you at all. I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, and it’s hard to write that and not know what your reaction will be when you read it.

It’s not fair of me to tell you this way.It’s cowardly of me.

I’ve been told numerous times as of late that I am behaving cowardly. And here’s my last act of cowardice for a while (I hope.)

The attached chapters aren’t part of my autobiography. But they should have been.

Violet wrote them, but she really seems to have been able to see through my mistakes to capture exactly how I feel about you.

They’re copy protected and private for obvious reasons, but I’d really love for you to read them… If you get the time.

Love, Always,

Richard

***********************************************

Lee sometimes struggled with the written word. But he devoured these pages as soon as he finished the email.

Richard’s ghost writer seemed to be a little overzealous in her descriptions, but if there was a person who didn’t enjoy being described as a knock out or gorgeous, Lee hadn’t met them yet.

Lee had gotten his hands on a copy of Richard’s autobiography, and was hurt, though not surprised, to have played such a diminutive role in it.

It was exactly what they’d broken up for, and it seemed like something that would never change. Which hurt like hell, because he knew he felt the same way that Richard felt.

He loved him so much, there was a part of him who just wanted to crawl right back into the closet with him, just to be close to him was enough. But he knew it wasn’t.

He remembered those half dates, and the cross looks whenever he initiated even the lightest PDA. He remembered his own jealousy and mistrust, and he knew now how low he was willing to stoop to cope with things. After how horrible he had made things with Jason, there was no way he was going to run right into the same old mistakes… no matter how much he wanted to.

But the words Richard’s ghost writer had written about him were poetic, and they were deep, and they were exactly how he had always felt about Richard.

He read them a second time, hoping that somewhere in those pages, there was something that would tell him what to do.

As beautiful as they were, they held no answers.

**********************************************  
 _Four Days Later_

To: Richard

From: Lee

Subject: Re: Sorry

I read your pages.

You should tell your ghostwriter that she’s very talented.

I don’t know what you want from me.

When you’re ready to deal with your demons,

I’ll be waiting.

Love (too),

Lee

********************************************

Richard had all but given up on hearing back from Lee. And now that he had, he was kicking himself.

What did he want, anyways?

The truth was, as much as he wanted Lee, as much as he’d always wanted him, the thought of changing his life was terrifying.

When they’d broken up, he’d retreated from New York. 

Neither of them had said anything, but it just felt like they’d claimed different continents.

If he wasn’t going to be with Lee, it was too hard to be in the same state, the same city.

Richard had escaped. He closed a chapter in his life, and inside it, he closed off a part of him he was hoping would never resurface.

He sat with the email for a long time, wishing he knew what he wanted, so he could ask Lee for it.

**********************************  
 _Three Weeks Later_

(Via Text Message)

Richard: I’ll be in LA next week. Can we see each other?

(10 minutes later)

Lee: Do you think that’s a good idea?   
Richard: I don’t think it’s a bad idea. 

(5 minutes later)   
Lee: Coffee?  
Richard: Whatever you like. 

(The next morning)   
Lee: I’ll see you then.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee can't say no to Richard, and Richard can't get enough of Lee.

Richard’s heart was racing. He’d changed outfits three times before leaving for the coffee shop Lee had told him to meet him at.  Lee was late, and Richard was nervously drinking bad tea and waiting. 

 

The second Lee walked through the door, Richard felt his heart flutter.  Lee was so gorgeous it hurt to look at him.  Richard took a deep breath as Lee swaggered towards the table.  Was he doing that to drive him crazy, or did Lee just naturally ooze sex appeal? 

 

“Hey.” He said, and Richard melted a little in his chair.  

 

“Hey.” Richard replied.  Lee sat down.  “Do you want me to get you some coffee?”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

There was an awkward silence that turned Richard’s stomach.  They used to be so good with silence. Richard grabbed Lee’s hand-  pretty forward, but Lee allowed it. 

 

“How are you?”  Richard asked.

 

“Fine. You?”

 

“Crazy.”

 

“So, normal?”   

 

Richard laughed.  He remembered how Lee used to laugh at him.  God he missed it. 

 

“What are you up to?”

 

“This and That.  What are you doing out west?”

 

“I had a studio meeting.”  The truth was, Richard could have teleconferenced.  The project wasn’t anything he was passionate about, but it had the advantage of being in LA, where Lee was.  

 

“Oooh.  Anything I could poach from you?”

 

Richard laughed again.     


 

“If you want it, you can have it.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Can we go for a walk? I’m feeling cramped in here.”

 

“Whatever you want.” 

******************************************

The walk idea lasted about two seconds in the sweltering LA heat. 

 

They ended up at Lee’s place. There were still boxes that needed unpacking in the living room.  Lee kicked them out of the way, apologizing for the mess.

 

“You know I don’t care.” Richard told him.

 

“How could I forget.  You’re the messiest person on the planet.”

 

“I’ll have you know my flat is absolutely spotless.”

 

“Yeah, because you’re not there to mess it up.”

 

Richard wanted to retort, but he didn’t have one.  It was absolutely true. 

 

Lee shoved his hands into his pockets, whistling to break the silence.

 

“That’s a new tune.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Well, it’s not the one you used to do.”

 

“Things change, Richard.”

 

“Do they?”  He asked.  Lee wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, but Richard had moved from across the room and was right on him. 

 

“Some do.”  He responded.  And then, Richard kissed him.  

 

Lee cursed himself.  This was too easy, and he knew it.  But as much as his brain was telling him to stop, to ask Richard to leave, to go take a shot and a cold shower, his heart was screaming for more. He melted into Richard like the lovesick puppy he still was. 

 

Richard pulled him closer for another kiss as they fumbled towards the couch.  Richard straddled Lee, his hands everywhere at once.  Lee’s hands gravitated towards his hips as Richard kissed him again, starting on his mouth and moving down to his neck.  It felt  so good.  

 

Lee lets himself run his fingers down Richard’s magnificent thighs, memorizing every inch, because this would NOT be happening again. Not like this.  Not any time soon.  And even if they were older now, Richard had kept in impeccable shape, Lee was simultaneously grateful and jealous.  

 

If Lee had a bit more to love now, Richard couldn’t care less.  Lee would always be gorgeous as far as he was concerned.  And he absolutely couldn’t get enough of him.  ALL of him.  His hands moved down to the button on Lee’s jeans, unclasping it and his zipper with ease.  He slid to the floor, pulling down Lee’s trousers and pants, and wrapping his hand around his cock, and then putting his mouth on his tip. 

 

Lee put his hands on Richard’s head, gently pushing his hips closer, getting deeper into Richard’s mouth.  He relaxed his jaw a little, taking in as much as he could, his hand still around the bottom of Lee’s shaft.  He started bobbing his head, slowly taking in more of his cock until he has to move his hand.  Lee grabs Richard’s hair, bucking against him.  He knows this isn’t going to last much longer and he warns Richard, who can’t say anything.  His eyes shine though, and Lee knows it's ok.  He holds the back of Richard’s neck as he comes, letting go of him and collapsing when he’s finished. 

 

Richard rolled back onto his legs and looked up, marveling at how good Lee looked when he’s spent. Lee pulled him back onto the couch, ferociously kissing him.  

 

“We need to go to the bedroom.” he tells him, and Richard is hardly about to protest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Identify with Lee so much here because I, too, could never say no to Richard Armitage. 
> 
> We're almost there! So many kudos to those of you who have been able to trek through for this long. I'm looking forward to putting up the last chapter ASAP.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee wasn't exactly expecting his ex husband to show up. But if things with Richard are going to work, he should probably meet his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want this to end. 
> 
> But hopefully, it's been done alright.

At 6 that evening, the doorbell rings, waking them up.  Lee bolts up, frantically searching for the clothes they’d torn off that afternoon.  Richard sits up in bed, laughing at him.

“What’s your rush?”

 

“That’s Jason.”

 

“Your ex-husband?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What does he want?”

 

Lee takes a second to look incredulously at Richard. 

 

“He’s dropping off my son for the weekend.”

 

“That’s right!  Jeremy.”

 

“Yes.  Jeremy.”

 

“I didn’t realize it was a kid weekend.”

 

“It’s not supposed to be.  Jason’s going out of town.”

 

“That’s sweet of you.”

 

“Richard, I would love to take your compliments, but right now, I need you to either get dressed, or promise me you’ll be quiet while Jason’s here.”

 

“Do you have a preference?”

 

The doorbell rang again, for the third time.

 

“No, but I have to go get that.” Lee opened the bedroom door. 

 

“Lee.”

 

“What?”

 

“Your zipper.”   Lee looked down to realize he hadn’t finished zipping up, did so, and thanked Richard before closing the door on him. 

**********************************

“Are you ok?” Jason asked.  “You look a little flushed.”

 

“Sorry, I was sleeping when you rang.”

 

“At 6 on a Friday?”

 

“Yeah.”   


 

“Wow.  Napping on a weekday.  What a luxury.”

 

Jason had just gone back to work.  It didn’t sound like he was enjoying it. 

 

“Where’s my son?”

 

“He’s still getting his stuff out of the car.”

 

“Alone?  What if someone steals him.”

 

Jason just looked at Lee.  They were in a guarded, gated neighborhood behind Lee’s locked driveway.  No one was getting their son, and they both knew it.

 

Jeremy ran up, almost tripping on the jacket he barely had in his arms.  Jason wondered for a second if clutziness was always genetic, or if he could have learned it from Lee. who was constantly bumping himself against something. 

 

“Hi Dads.”  he said.  He’d recently decided he was too old to use the nicknames he’d been using for years, and both Lee and Jason horribly missed “Dada” and “Daddy.”

 

“Hey Kiddo.”  Lee said, crouching down to give him a hug. “Ready for some fun?”

 

“He’s got homework.  Don’t forget that.”

 

“We can do homework and have fun, right?”   
  


Jeremy didn’t look to convinced. There was a pause as the once-upon-a-time family stood there, not knowing exactly what to do with themselves. 

 

“Are you going to invite us in?”  Jason finally asked.

 

“Um.. it’s a little messy.”

 

“This I’ve got to see.” Jason said as he waltzed right into the foyer.  There was a painting leaning on a wall Lee hadn’t put up yet.  “Is that what you’re worried about?”

 

“No, I just…” Jason walked into the living room, and Lee and Jeremy followed. 

 

“This is really great.  You picked a nice place.”

 

“Thank you.” Lee said, noticing that Richard’s jacket was strewn across the floor, right next to Jason, and too far away for Lee to grab.  Jason picked up the jacket and handed it to Lee.

 

“I never really thought of you as the leather jacket type.”

 

“That’s because it’s mine.”  

 

Everyone turned their head to the bedroom door that Richard had walked out of.  He was fully clothed, aside from naked feet, but Lee still held his breath in panic.  Richard calmly walked over to Jason, who handed him the jacket. 

 

“Thanks.”  No one moved a muscle. “I’m Richard.” he said, extending his hand.  Jason reluctantly took it. 

 

“I know who you are.”

 

“Right!  It’s been a long time, but we  have met.. it must have been, uh…”

 

“Nine years ago.”

 

“Of course!  You look wonderful.  Lee, you let this one go?” It was true, Jason was absolutely beautiful.

 

“Actually, I let him go.” Jason corrected him, knowing full well that Richard knew. Richard laughed.  He wasn’t great with awkward meetings, but he was trying.  Lee loved him even more for it, so he saved him.

 

“Richard, you haven’t met our son yet.  This is Jeremy.”  Jeremy had gravitated toward Jason with the entrance of a brand new person, and was half hiding behind him.

 

“Jeremy, say hello to Richard.” Lee told him. Jason was just about to tell him that he didn’t have to say hello when Richard, laughing again, replied.

 

“Oh, it’s ok, you don’t have to say hello, Jeremy.  But maybe we’ll be friends, later.”

 

That seemed to be enough to warm Jeremy, who came out from behind Jason and walked over to Richard.  Lee and Jason watched cautiously as Richard crouched down to his level.

 

“Nice to meet you.” He said, offering Jeremy his hand.   
  


“Nice to meet you, Mister?”

 

“Mr. Armitage.  But you can call me Richard if you’d like.”

 

“You’re from England. I can tell ‘cus how you talk.”

 

“You’re right.  Do you know a lot of English people?”   
  


Jeremy shook his head.  

 

“My friend Clara, her parents are from there.”

 

“How very nice.  Do you and Clara have a lot of fun together?”

 

“Sometimes.  She lets me play with her legos.  But she always tries to beat me at video games.”

 

Richard Laughed. “You guys still play with legos?  I haven’t seen them in years!”

 

“I have some in my room.  You want to see them?” Richard looks at Jason and Lee, and Jason huffs but motions for them to go.  

 

“That sounds wonderful.” Richard says as he follows Jeremy to his room.

 

The second they’re safely out of earshot, Jason starts.

 

“God Damn It, Lee.”

 

“What?  I’m not allowed to have a life?”   
  


“You have 75% of every month to have a life.” He uses air quotes over “Have a Life.”  Lee hated air quotes.  Jason had ruined them for him.  “Why’d you have to do it when our son was coming over?”

 

“It’s not like I control other people’s schedules.  I can’t help it if this was the weekend Richard was in town.”

 

“And does it have to be HIM?”

 

“Are you jealous?”   
  


“YES!”

 

Lee stops in his tracks.  He wasn’t expecting such an honest confession.

 

“We got divorced for a reason.”

 

“I know.  I’m not trying to tell you I want you back, Lee.  I’m just angry that you’re slutting around with the same guy as always.”

 

“I’m not slutting around.”  Lee lied.

 

“Whatever.  You know, I knew you weren’t over him when we started dating, I knew you weren’t over him when we got married.  I thought you might have been over him when Jeremy came along, but obviously, you weren’t.  And god damn it, Lee.  I was a good boyfriend, I was a good husband, and none of that mattered because you were always in love with  him. ”

 

Lee stood silent for a moment.  There was no lie in what Jason said, nothing he could deny.  And he didn’t want to deny it.  Jason deserved better than that. He deserved better than Lee.

 

“You were a great husband.” He told him. “You’re a great father.  I never deserved you, and I never treated you how I should have.  And I’m sorry.  You’re completely right.  I was running away from something and you were this wonderful person and it just seemed like if I tried hard enough, maybe I could make it work.  But I never did right by you, and I’m sorry.”

 

Jason sat down on the couch, and Lee sat next to him.  Jason was about to cry, but he choked down tears,  he was staying silent because he didn’t know what to say.  The silence was killing him, so Lee just continued talking.

 

“I know you think that I never loved you because of Richard.  But it’s not true.  I loved you, Jason.  I might have loved Richard too, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.  You’re incredibly loveable, and I know that you’re going to find someone who’s going to love you the way you deserve.  I can’t tell you how much I wanted to be that person.  I’m sorry I never was.”

 

“It’s ok.”

 

“No it’s not.  I was such a complete asshole.”

 

“You were.  But it’s ok.”  He wiped his eyes, and then wrapped his arms around Lee.  It took Lee a second to realize he was being hugged, but then he hugged back.  Jason pecked him on the cheek.  “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

 

Lee smiled at Jason. Jason smiled back.  They were still hugging when they heard Richard announce his arrival in the room with a cough. They stopped hugging and Jason jumped up.  He wiped his eyes one more time, and cleared his throat.

 

“Well, it’s time for me to go.”  he said. Jeremy ran to him and wrapped his arms around Jason’s waist. 

 

“Bye Bye Dada.  I’ll miss you.” Jason smiled at the return of his nickname.

 

“Don’t be silly.  You’ll have Daddy to play with all weekend.” He wrapped his arms around his son and gave him a kiss on the top of the head.  “Promise me you won’t forget your homework?”

 

“O-K-aa-y” he said in a sing song voice. 

 

“Nice meeting you, Richard.”

 

“Re-meeting.”

 

“Thanks for taking the Kiddo, Lee.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“It was a pleasure.”  he says, hugging Lee one more time.

 

“It really was.”  Lee tells him as they walk to the door.

********************************************************

Five Months Later

  
“Your tie is crooked.”  

 

Richard pulled at one side. 

 

“Is that better?”

 

“That’s worse.”  Lee readjusted it, then ran his fingers through Richard’s hair.  He’d dyed it for the occasion, and Lee missed the grey temples.  “You shouldn’t have dyed your hair.”

 

“It’s so easy to judge when you look 10 years younger than you are and don’t have to deal with grey.”

 

“I don’t dye my hair.”

 

“You dye your hair all the time.”

 

“Yeah, but that’s for work.”

 

“Just you wait, dear.” 

 

The limo they were in was roomy, which was nice since Richard and Lee both had a lot of legs.  But it meant there was a lot of space between them, which Lee hated. 

 

The last few months had been a whirlwind of confusion. They’d finally explained to Jeremy that Richard was Daddy’s boyfriend after two months.  Jeremy had just shrugged and said “Ok.  Can we get back to playing video games?”  

 

Richard was still commuting between London and Los Angeles, and it was taking its toll.  Lee had made a trip to London to visit him, and it had been a grueling experience.  They were still at a standstill over what they should do.  

 

Lee wanted Richard to move in so badly, but it had only been four months, and uprooting his entire life for someone after such a short period seemed like a big thing to ask him.  Especially if it wasn’t going to work out. But it felt like it was. 

 

Lee scooted over, until he was practically in Richard’s lap, and kissed him. 

 

“What was that for?”

 

“For coming with me tonight.”

 

“Oh, so you finally believe me?”  Lee hadn’t believed until that day that Richard was going to actually be his date to the premier.  Richard had promised for over a month that he’d be there, but nothing he said could convince him that after all this time, he’d actually stop hiding. 

 

“Well, it will be pretty hard to escape being my date since we have about three seconds before it starts.”

 

“You’re very right.” 

 

The driver opened the door.  Richard and Lee could see the vast sea of people waiting on the sidelines of the red carpet, but no one could see them.  Lee slid to the open door and turned to Richard.

 

“You ready?”  He asked, outstretching his hand.  

 

Richard took a deep breath, and then Lee’s hand.

 

“I’m ready” he said, as they got out of the car, still holding his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries* That's the end. I gotta tell you, I got really attached to this universe (Thanks to all the lovely commenters)
> 
> I am so tired of writing these stories that don't have room for sequels. I need to learn how to make a story that can continue, lol.
> 
> In any case, thank you so much for taking this loooong journey with me, I hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise it gets better.
> 
> Comments and criticism (And trust me, I know there's a lot to criticize) are always welcome and appreciated!


End file.
